I've definitely been thinking for a while now about my ambitions in life... Not sure what I'm going to be or where I'm going to be later on in my career, but I know it's NOT going to be in Sylva, NC. Whether or not Dwayne likes it I'm moving as far away from this place as possible, with or without him. I'm tired of my family treating me the way they are, I'm tired of feeling like a pariah because I don't listen to country music, for dressing the way I do, and liking the things I do. Not like if I move or anything that I'll be less of one, but at least I won't feel smothered by Sylva's expectations. I want to move somewhere that's more accepting of change and people that are different, or somewhere relaxed, laid back, go with the flow.
I've seriously considered moving to the Outer Banks because I have really enjoyed being out there, minus the whole problem with it being at the beach, hurricane risks, and it being freezing cold when it does get cold there. But I don't know for sure yet, I'm going to look into more places. I have a feeling sometime I will wind up working at Mission and living in Asheville, which I'm totally fine with as well. Sadly all the problems with me not being able to make friends easily is going to play a big part of that. The farther I move away from here, the less people I will know even remotely close to me. Shouldn't bother me since I've pretty much been a loner all my life, but there's part of me that it really does effect emotionally.
As for the whole marriage, kids, settling down, I don't even know if I'm ready for all that. There's so much in life that I want to do, and having a family will get in the way of that big time. And another issue is money, I don't want to have to be the one that supports all my family. I've always been taken care of, and I want it to stay that way. Not likely to happen with the path I'm currently on, but we'll see how things turn out. Things keep going like they have been, and it's going to hit a dead end and I'll have to create a new path without someone else with me.
That's all I have to say on the matter, for now at least. I'm getting tired, having a class in Asheville every day for 3 days bright and early really wore me out. Not looking forward to the weekend, or any of this summer in fact because all my plans got switched around because of a circumstance that occurred. Needless to say I will not be getting out of the house much this summer, though I will have to make it a point to get lots of sun cause I'm whiter than a chost!
No comments:
Post a Comment