Not Much Change...

I had an interview today finally with Mission for the Emergency Department.  I felt like the interview went well but I didn't have much hope going into it.  I'm still surprised they even wanted to interview me due to my lack of experience in a hospital setting.  I feel that will be the reason I don't get the job if that happens.  The manager and supervisor seemed to be impressed with me during the interview, which I feel I didn't totally bomb for once.  I had asked Derek to go with me the day before, but then he kept coming up with reasons why he didn't want to and then told me finally he' think about it, then I decided this morning to just go by myself so that I could mentally prepare myself and go over questions and answers in my head.  I text him after I got up and told him to no worry about going, then he kept asking me what was wrong because he decided he did want to go.  I just have a bad feeling about how things are going, or maybe I'm just going through another depressed phase.  School is going well, I'm really enjoying my clinical time in the NICU, the manager is truly amazing and I am learning so much, mostly that I will never be able to become a manager!  Class is going well, so far I have made all 100s except for a 95 on a clinical log because I forgot to fill out 2 sections I didn't know were there.  It has definitely boosted my confidence much more since last semesters when I couldn't make an A on an assignment to save my life.  I am really hoping to be able to make Magna Cum Laude for graduation... I think the GPA you have to have is 3.67 and I have a 3.61 or 3.62 at the moment.  I may not be able to do it because Fall semester doesn't count toward it since your grades aren't finalized before graduation, but I will at least get to make Cum Laude.

I just feel so different and not myself here lately.  I'm not really wanting to socialize, with the exception of yesterday when I went and had dinner with Hollie and talked and hung out for 3 hours til late.  She's moving to Wilmington at the end of the month.  The only things I ever want to do are sleep or be with Derek, but I feel like I'm getting on his nerves or something... It may just be being paranoid like I can get.  I know another thing I have noticed recently is that I have no confidence in myself what-so-ever.  That may be stemming from this funk I'm in, I just hope I can pull myself out of it.  I haven't went to Zumba all week, I've avoided hanging out or talking to Jessica, mostly cause she made me mad earlier in the week.  We were supposed to house sit for one of her teacher friends, but then when I start talking to her about it and fixing food there she says "I'm not comfortable cooking in their house even though I'm allowed to.  I will be eating at home."  Now this reallly made me upset because if I'm going to house sit for someone of course I'm going to be using their kitchen, I'm not going to eat out the entire time I'm there.  And then with her eating at home that completely leaves me out and leaving me to fend for myself.  So I told her to just forget it and that I wouldn't be staying with her at the house and she could keep all the money to herself.  She's been trying to get me to come over, but I haven't had time and I really just don't have any desire to.  I had planned on going to see her on Sunday after I slept and recooped from working Saturday night, but then she texts me and says that I will have to come see her before 2:30 because she is going to a sinigng with Julie... This singing was Mountain Faith (big surprise there!) and it was in West Jefferson... which is 30 minutes outside of Boone, 3 1/2 hours away.  I got mad because I think it is rude to make plans with someone, then make plans with someone else and expect the other person to bend to their plans.  I had told her that it would be Sunday evening before I could do anything because I always try to sleep in the morning after I get off work.  I have also decided that when I move out, I will be getting a place to myself.  If I get a job in Asheville I will be moving closer that way, the opposite of Swain.  And our differences here lately make me realize that it would be difficult to be able to live together peacefully.  I really just need my own space. I have been thinking about where to live, I really don't want to live in Asheville, I'm too use to living in a small town for that, and I really don't want to move out of Jackson County.  But I will just cross those bridges when I get to them.  I still have to find and hold down a full time job, save up money for rent (and emergency money) and then for things I will need once I move like furniture, etc.  It would be so much easier having a roommate, but I just don't think I could handle having one.  I've also decided that I really want a house or trailer that isn't connected to anyone, I need my quiet space. Hopefully soon I'll get out of this funk and go back to being my happy self again.  Until next time...