I'm sitting here listening to old music from my childhood and early teen years and wish I could go back to those simple times... When things weren't so complicated and things were perfect. Back when I knew that my family loved me and would do anything for me. Well all that glitters is not gold, you think your family is there for you through thick and thin no matter what, but in reality they just shit on you every chance they get. I've come to realize this these past few years. My family say they love me and would do anything for me, but they haven't ever shown it. This is not directed at my parents what-so-ever, it's my extended family members that treat me like this.
Where shall I begin? Well BOTH sides of my family do this to me and I'm fucking sick and tired of it. I had a conversation with one of my cousins about this last night and it just got me all torqued up about it. I told her what in all has happened these past few years to make me feel this way and she says that she can see it, even without me pointing it out. But let's start from where I first started noticing the problems starting on my mom's side of the family because I don't even want to get into my dad's side.
Well June 2008 Jessica graduated high school and everyone attended the ceremony. I was a Junior Marshall so I was apart of the ceremony. Well she graduated and got her diploma and everyone went outside to meet their families and take pictures and everything. We met up with everyone and took our pictures and everything else and had a blast. So you would expect the same for me right? WRONG! I graduated, had the biggest smile on my face as I walked out of the Ramsey Center eagerly searching for my family to greet me with hugs, congratulations, and smiles. I searched for a good ten minutes and only found my parents. I asked them where everyone was and what did they say? "They were hungry so they went to get something to eat." As I stood there I just wanted to burst into tears, because your family is supposed to be there. I just felt like an after thought. It hurt also that my grandfather wouldn't attend just because he refused to go to Jessica's the year before because she moved in with a boy before graduation. Things have just only gone downhill from that moment on.
Jessica went off and got her nose pierced and nanny and papaw thought that was the worst thing ever and kept getting mad at her, which is absolutely ridiculous. It's a piercing, not a mark of the devil. Then when she got pregnant with Weston I thought they were going to have heart attacks, but they didn't. They got so mad at Jessica and papaw once again quit talking to her. Nanny was initially mad, but then she got over it and got so excited. I don't think papaw has ever gotten fully over the hurt, but he's about the only one that doesn't treat me like dirt anymore, for whatever reason. But most of my quarrel is with my nanny though, because all my life I have ALWAYS come second.
When I was a baby, Jessica had problems with her hip so she was in the hospital for a long time and had to have special care. Well nanny was all about Jessica and when I came into the picture it was still all about Jessica, forget all about Devon. My mom wanted my nanny to keep me, but she was too "tired" from keeping Jessica all day so I was always kept by my great aunt Martha Lou, which is why to this day I am so close to her. So this is nothing new, I'm just getting extremely tired of being treated like I am.
Most recent occurrences have been the final straws for me. For the Christmas play I went to the church early to get a good seat and nanny didn't have anyone beside her. So I went and sat down beside her since I've been so busy with school and don't get to see anyone. Well I sit down beside her and the first thing that pops out of her mouth is "You can't sit there, that's Jessica's spot." Well Jessica hasn't even gotten to the church yet, so you can imagine how offended I got at this comment. I got up and moved away from her and didn't talk to her for the rest of the night. I know it was because of Weston, but shit, I'm her granddaughter, not a plague. Things have just gotten worse from then on. I don't show my face around her house anymore, unless it's to go see my grandpa because he's never faltered in showing his affection to me and not choosing favorites. She calls the house at least once a day to talk to my mom and one day I just happened to answer. She asked why I didn't ever come see her anymore, I wanted to just say because I don't want anything to do with her but I kept my mouth shut. Then she had the balls to ask me if I was still seeing Dwayne.
Now one way to set me off in a hurry is to insult or talk bad about my boyfriend. She told me that I don't have any business seeing him anymore and that I need to find someone better. I had to hold my tongue, because I about let her have it. I ended up not saying a word and just took the phone to mom. Ever since then I haven't had anything to do with her or her smart ass remarks. I am seriously tired of how my family treats me. I've never done anything to lose their trust or whatever, yet I still get treated like dirt, what the fuck is up with that?
My problems with my family over Dwayne have started to really take a toll on me. It hurts too, but I at least have a few that stand behind me and have actually taken the time to listen to what I have to say about him or get to know him and they have learned how good of a person he is and how good for me he is. Now if only everyone else could put their prejudices aside and do the same. One of these days, if it's not too late already, then he is going to be my husband, whether my family is okay with it or not.
And Jessica C. if you read this, I am not mad at you nor have I ever been and was not trying to insult you what so ever. I love you and Weston with all my heart and you can understand why I feel this way. I feel no ill will toward either of you.
No comments:
Post a Comment